Army · Lifestyle · military · Military Life · Relationships

Being the other girl…

1900340_10152060304649425_78206402_oHappy Friday Everyone,

This turned into a bit of a heart to heart, so bear with me and grab a cup of coffee while reading this..

“I got the boy, she got the man” (in reverse:)

I heard Jana Kramer’s song “I Got the Boy” on the radio the other day and the lyrics hit me hard. I’ve heard it before quite a few times, but this time it really struck me. It doesn’t really describe my current life,  where I’m hoping I will eventually be the girl who got the man but it does stand out to me. It hits home in more of a reverse way…

Most of you know that my boyfriend is in the military. He has been in the Army for over 7 years and during that time he served two deployments in Afghanistan. Even though he is currently serving in the Army Reserves, the military is still quite a big part of our relationship. Especially since his contract is ending this spring and he is still contemplating on whether to extend it. We have been dating for about 8 months now and everything has been going great and things are starting to get more and more serious. We recently decided to move in with each other this coming May.

In the military blogging community, there are so many great blogs and posts that feature the struggles, the joys, survival guides and the hardships of having their husbands or significant others deployed. I have found myself to enjoy reading these posts and have a bittersweet wish of wanting to experience a deployment. Don’t ask my why but I am jealous of my boyfriends ex who was with him during one of his deployments. I envy her, I wish I could have given him the support she failed to do.  I find myself constantly wishing I was his girl while he was facing one of the toughest and hardest times of his life. I wish I could have been there to support him through both deployments, being his rock and foundation at home. Sending him love letters and emails to help motivate him and boost up his confidence. I wish I was the girl, who found myself missing him like crazy, counting down the days till he will visit on leave or come home. I wish I was that girl who waited by her phone for days hoping to hear a phone call from him. When he does have the opportunity to call, I wish I could feel the rush of love, relief and happiness from hearing his voice. Call me crazy, but I wish I could have been with him through a deployment.

“I find myself constantly wishing I was his girl while he was facing one of the toughest and hardest times of his life”

I know some might say that I am indeed crazy for wanting to be with him during a deployment and that’s okay. I also know that if I was with him during a deployment, it wouldn’t be like Hollywood- full of a long distance romance of bliss. It just wouldn’t.  It would be hard, it would be tough, and knowing myself… I would be worried sick about him. However, my love for him would withstand and I know we would work through it. I just find myself wishing that I was the girl who was there for him during his deployments, but instead I find myself being the woman helping him transition from the end of his Army career to his new civilian life.

Now don’t get me wrong… I love the role I’m in, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I know that he will need me once he does end his contract with the Army and moves toward focusing on his career which he is currently finishing up school for. I’m more than ready to support him. I have come to a realization, that this might be a bigger part of his life then being deployed, and I’m up for the challenge. The military has been his family for so many years. I never knew how much of an impact and role the military has on it’s soldiers, until I met my boyfriend. It is a unique bond that he has with the military and his fellow soldiers, one that is very hard to explain but is very evident. Although, I still wish I could have been with him when the military had a huge impact on his life. I wish I could have been there to see it and experience it. I wish I could have shown him support and love during that time.

“I just find myself wishing that I was the girl who was there for him during his deployments, but instead I find myself being the woman helping him transition from the end of his Army career to his new civilian life”

I am excited for the future with my soldier at my side, even if I am the woman he has chosen to be with towards the end of his military career. If he does or doesn’t decide to extend his military career I will be with him by his side regardless of what decision he makes. I love him and I love seeing his passion for the Army and his soldiers. I’m glad I get to be with him and hear all of his fun past times during his Army career and deployments. I am also glad I get to care for him and help him through times when he reminisces the hardships of the deployments. It can be an enjoyable role at times and a tough one at times, but in the end it is worth it.

Like I said earlier, it is a bittersweet wish and I feel like I missed out on a very important time of his life. However, I need to learn to accept the fact that I’m not the girl who was there during his deployment and that is perfectly okay. What really matters is I am with him now and I need to focus on our current present relationship. I know that we will share many memories adventures and even hardships together in the future. I need to look forward to those and cherish our own memories together.  I am happy and extremely thankful to be in his life and be the other girl, the one who “has the man.”

Have you been in a similar situation that I am in? How do you handle it?  Does Jana’s song bring back any memories for you? Would love to hear your stories and advice!

 

 

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19 thoughts on “Being the other girl…

  1. I remember feeling that way when I met my husband. You just want to be there for everything! I know we were brought together at the right time. You’ll move past wishing for those past experiences to enjoying your current experiences. I hope your boyfriend has a smooth transition as he starts life as a civilian.

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    1. Thank you! I hope so too! Definitely agree with you on the part of wanting to be there for everything! It’s definitely something I need to work on. The past is in the past!

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  2. My husband and I fell in love and got married about three years into his military career. I wasn’t around during bootcamp in 2010 or his deployment to Afghanistan in 2012. I remember feeling that bittersweet feeling of wanting to have been there for him through those things. I had friends who had been there for their spouses through every single moment of their career and I almost felt left out. Sometimes I’d joke and say that I was “cheating” at being a military spouse because I skipped over all the hard stuff. Now we’re enduring a 12 month separation while he’s stationed overseas and it’s been the absolute worst year of my life. Of course we can get through it and we’re already stronger as a couple because of it, but I now see how ridiculous it was for me to have felt like I was missing out on those things. In reality, I had lucked out that I didn’t have to go through his deployment. It’s obviously hard, but no one really knows just how challenging and frustrating it can be until you’re actually experiencing it. I’m very much looking forward to him getting out of the Marine Corps in 2018.

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    1. I definitely see your perspective Keating. I completely agree with you about the “cheating part” on the military relationship, that’s a great way to sum it up! I can’t imagine how tough it is to be in your shoes right now. One of my best friends was able to move to Japan with her husband who was in the Marines. Although her husband has been out on missions the majority of the time since they moved there so she hasn’t even spent that much time with him. I can’t imagine what that would be like in a foreign country. I feel like there is no easy route in the military. Even talking it over with my boyfriend, he said it was a good thing that I missed the time when he was really involved with the military, which was a slight relief. I am thankful that he is ending his contract soon, just so we don’t have as big of a change of him being deployed again. This summer my boyfriend will be finishing up a college course quite a few hours away so I’m sure my perspective will change after being distanced for a few months. Life is never easy in all situations.

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  3. I’m in a similar boat- my husband has never deployed, only gone TDY three times [I went with him two of those] and I met him after basic tech school. But on the same hand, the person that went through basic and tech school is an entirely different person than the guy I fell in love with and married. The one I married is smart, caring and responsible. He knows how to handle situations and deal with them. The one that went to basic? He joined because he didn’t know what else to do with his life. My guy? He loves his job and takes ownership over the fact that he makes a massive plane fly every day. I don’t want to know the guy that went to basic. Different person, I guess. I’d rather be left out of that part.

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    1. I definitely agree with you on them being a different person back in those days. I wonder if I would have been as fond of my boyfriend if we met earlier in our early college days before he joined the Army. I don’t think we would have hit it off quite as nicely. We both have matured a lot since then, for the better. I think that is a great thing to focus on that the timing happened for a reason.

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  4. Two visions come to mind with this song for me: (a) makes me think about my husband and his high school female best friend / ex-gf; and (b) makes me think about the one male friend of mine who possibly could have been the one who got away. *Disclaimer: I love my husband more than anything. But I still think this sometimes.*

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    1. How interesting! I have a similar thought with my ex. He was definitely the boy when we were dating.. I’m hoping he is now more of a man for the girl he was with! Funny how everyone matures.

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  5. Although I am not a military spouse, a lot of people in my family are and I feel like they can definitely relate to how you’re feeling. But at least you get to be with him from this point on for all of the other things in life!

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  6. I really relate to this piece, although for me it is because my husband was married before we got together and he has a daughter. I often think about how I wish it was me who he experienced all of these “firsts” with and it’s painful to imagine him experiencing such important, life-changing events without me.

    I am so thankful for the time we have and I wouldn’t change it because we found each other now and I’m happy, but I completely understand your thought process here. ❤

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    1. Oh yes, I bet that would be really tough too! I think this applies in many situations with couples and on both ends of the relationships. I completely agree with you on experiencing the firsts! It would be nice but I think we all have a certain timing of things for a reason 🙂 It sure can be painful when you think about people they have been with before. My boyfriend and I had a calm and casual conversation this past weekend about our exes, it was light hearted but it just had a weird eery feeling about it. It was nice to get it out in the air but not something I like talking about.

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  7. I can’t imagine actually wanting to experience a deployment with my guy, as it sounds really tough, and not something I’d choose on purpose…but I can understand wishing you were the one with them earlier on in life. I met my husband in college, my freshman year, when he had a girlfriend. He had been with her nearly his entire college career, and sometimes I wish I had been able to ‘do’ college with him, instead of just our freshman and senior years that overlapped. But then common sense hits me and reminds me that when we met, I was 17 and he was 24…if I’d been any younger, that would have been practically illegal. 😛 It all happened at the right time.

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    1. That is quite funny! Things to happen at a certain time for a reason! I often wonder if my boyfriend and I would have hit it off like we did if we would have met during those early college days! Lets just say I rebelled a bit but I have matured a lot. I know he was into the fraternity life so I probably would not have been very interested in him at the time either! It’s funny how things change!

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  8. This is an interesting perspective. I think I can understand why you want to have the one that got him through the toughest part of his life. What matters most is he is counting on spending his future with you!

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